Is engagement genuinely as challenging as people make it out to be?
It seemed to us that upon announcing our engagement, everyone had a little something extra to add to their congratulations. This addition was often along the lines of, “Engagement is really tough.” Initially, these comments left us feeling quite disheartened. We had just gotten engaged, were thrilled about planning our wedding, and were overjoyed at the thought of our future together.
Interestingly, we noticed that no one could pinpoint exactly what made engagement so challenging. It was as if we were being warned about a vague, daunting period of difficulty in the months ahead. Thankfully, we decided to lean into these warnings and bring our concerns to God in prayer. We were frustrated that so many viewed this beautiful period of engagement as nothing more than a series of hardships, a time they’d rather not remember fondly.
In our prayers, we asked God to be with us during our engagement, to help us understand the challenges we would face, and to grant us the grace to navigate them.
“God, please be with us in this season of engagement. Everyone says it’s tough, but we are so excited. Please, grant us the grace to understand your workings in our lives, especially when times get tough.”
The answer to our prayers came when we faced challenges, particularly in the areas of finances and decision-making. Instead of rushing through these difficulties, we paused to pray, and God revealed to us that engagement is indeed a challenging time—but not in a way that should cause us dread. It is a time of growth and stretching. Yes, there were moments when we felt as though we were in the fire, but it was a refining fire.
Engagement, as we came to understand, is a time to prepare for the sacrificial love required in marriage. No one enters marriage fully prepared for what lies ahead, and engagement provides a unique opportunity for growth. So yes, engagement is hard. It demands a great deal of emotional energy, involves countless decisions, and truly tests the strength of a relationship. However, it is also a time of beauty and refinement.
What we want you to take away from our experience is this: do not be disheartened by the challenges of engagement. Every season of life comes with its own set of challenges. Instead, we encourage you to lean into prayer, ask God how He is refining you to love your fiancé(e) more deeply, and watch as He transforms and enlarges your heart.